The five conversations every expecting couple needs to have
In the third part of our series with Dadventure, we’ll explore five essential conversations every couple should have before their baby arrives. They may not be the easiest conversations to have, but they’ll set you up to navigate this chapter together.
The moment you see those two pink lines or you get the call, everything changes. The shift from “us” to “family” is one of the most beautiful and challenging transitions life throws your way.
While you're busy researching car seats and wall colours, there's something equally important: the conversations that will strengthen your relationship before your family grows.
The sleepless nights and heart-bursting love are coming whether you're ready or not. But how will you navigate the financial pressures and emotional challenges? That depends on how prepared you are as partners.
That’s why starting these conversations before the baby arrives is one of the most powerful things you can do as a team. This isn't about having all the answers. It's about creating a foundation of open communication that will carry you through whatever parenthood brings.
For each topic, you'll find:
Individual reflection questions
Discussion points for conversations together
Practical takeaways to guide your planning
Ready to start talking?
1. Money talks: Planning parental leave like a team
It probably surprises no one that parental leave is on this list. And let’s be honest, no one has a baby for the financial perks. For many couples, the early days of parenthood come with a pretty noticeable drop in income. And yet, so many wait until they’re already knee-deep in the chaos to talk about how they’ll actually manage that change.
Before your baby arrives, one of the most grounding things you can do is sit down and map out your parental leave plan. Not just in terms of dates, but in terms of impact. Who’s taking leave? How long for? Will it be paid, unpaid, or a mix of both? Is it shared, staggered, or something in between?
This isn’t just about spreadsheets, it’s about emotional safety. Having a plan means fewer money shocks, less resentment, and more space to enjoy the newborn bubble because the last thing you want when learning to change a nappy is a fight about bills.
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What’s my ideal amount of time off, and what’s realistic?
How do I feel about taking unpaid leave if needed
Am I clear on what support (if any) my employer offers? Hint: Check out the New Zealand Parental Leave Register.
How do I handle financial uncertainty, and what triggers stress for me?
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Understand your government entitlements
Review any employer benefits or paid leave support
Your joint parental leave plans
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Your joint parental leave plans
Build a “baby budget”. Not to control every dollar, but to get a shared picture of what life will cost in those early months
2. The worries we don’t say out loud (but should)
You've sorted the nursery and picked the pram, but who's preparing for the emotional load of becoming parents?
Between folding tiny clothes and reading birth stories, bigger questions start creeping in: "What if I'm not cut out for this?" "Will we still feel like us?" "Am I going to mess this up?"
These fears are normal, so let’s bring them out into the open.
The couples who talk about these worries before their baby arrives handle the transition better. Not because conversation solves everything, but because it builds permission to be honest when things get hard.
So ask each other: "What are you worried about, emotionally and mentally, as we become parents?" Not in a throwaway, “you good?” kind of way. But a sit-down, phones-down moment of honesty.
This conversation builds trust. It normalises struggle. It gives you a language to talk about the hard stuff before you're in the thick of it. Don’t underestimate the power of saying, “I see you. I’ve got you. Even when it’s messy.”
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What am I scared of? (It’s okay if the answer is “everything.”)
How do I usually respond to stress or big change?
Have I experienced anxiety, depression, or burnout in the past?
What kind of support feels most helpful when I’m struggling?
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Share your worries. Parenting fears, identity changes, mental health history
Talk openly about what signs of struggle look like for each of you
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Agree on how you’ll check in once the baby’s here (Hint: “How are you really?” is a great place to start)
Make a plan for support, for each other, friends, whānau, or professional help if needed
3. Who’s doing what? And then what happens when things change?
You’re about to be co-captains of the biggest (and sleep-deprived) mission of your lives. While love and good intentions count for a lot, they don’t magically divide the baby duties, bills, and the 2 am nappy changes.
That’s why one of the most important conversations you can have before your baby arrives is about how you’ll share the mental and physical load and how you’ll adapt when one of you is running on empty.
This isn’t about creating a strict roster. It’s about making sure no one silently ends up doing 80% of everything while running on 20% of their own reserves.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human and you recognise your limitations. And you’ll be a better parent for it.
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What are all the things that need to get done?
What am I naturally drawn to or good at when it comes to home or family tasks?
What am I dreading or anxious about? (e.g. sleep deprivation, admin, messy nappies…)
How do I usually cope when I feel overwhelmed or stretched too thin?
What kind of support do I want when I’m not coping?
If you want a structured way to do this exercise, check out the Fair Play cards.
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What happens if one of you is struggling emotionally, mentally, or physically? How will the other step in, and who else can help (friends, whānau, professionals)
How you’ll stay flexible. Because babies love to throw your best-laid plans out the window. This is how you build a partnership that bends without breaking. It’s not just about being “fair”, it’s about being kind. Clear expectations and a willingness to adapt are two of your best tools for protecting each other from burnout, resentment, or isolation.
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Who will handle day-to-day tasks: bills, laundry, meals, night feeds, doctor appointments
How often you’ll check in on the balance. Is one person carrying more than they can handle?
4. What does support actually look like for each of us?
Hint: It’s not the same for everyone.
When you become a parent, everyone’s got an opinion. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” “You have to let your mum help.” “Don’t let them in your bed or they’ll never leave.”
But here’s the thing. What feels supportive to one person can feel smothering, stressful, or downright unhelpful to another. That’s why this is one of the most underrated but most valuable conversations you can have before your baby arrives.
Everyone copes differently. One of you might need quiet time alone to recharge, the other might need connection and conversation. One might want their mum around every day, the other might just want their own space.
The goal here isn’t to agree on everything. It’s to understand each other better so you can show up in the way that actually helps. Not just the way you think it should.
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Do I recharge best alone, with others, or a mix of both?
How do I usually like to be supported when I’m struggling? Practical help, someone to listen, space to figure it out myself?
What role do I want extended family or friends to play in this new chapter?
Are there parts of this journey (birth, recovery, parenting) that I feel nervous about needing support with?
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What actually helps you feel supported when life gets hard? (Not what others think helps. What works for you.)
How much involvement do we want from family or friends? And what boundaries might we need to set?
How will we protect time for rest, space, and individual wellbeing? Not just babies?
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What signs should we look for in each other that say, “I need backup,” even if the words don’t come out? This clip from Brené Brown has a great suggestion.
What’s one thing we each need (what is it, how often, how much time)?
5. What are our shared priorities in this next chapter?
You can’t do everything, but you can agree on what matters most.
Before becoming a parent, you probably didn’t sit around asking each other, “What kind of humans do we want to raise?” or “How will we stay connected when we’re knee-deep in nappies and 3am feeds?”
But now? It matters. Because parenting comes with a thousand decisions, and it helps to know what compass you’re both using.
When your values are aligned, decisions become easier. You won’t second-guess every budget choice, childcare call, or late-night “should we rock or let them cry?” moment. You’ll know what battle is worth having and what you’re happy to let slide.
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When I imagine being a parent, what feeling do I want to bring into our home? Is it calm, playfulness, structure, freedom? A mix?
Talk about your beliefs on discipline, sleep routines, screen time, and general parenting philosophies.
Am I more focused on financial security, emotional presence, building routines, or making memories?
What am I willing to spend money on in this next season and what could I happily skip?
Are there values from my own upbringing I want to carry forward or leave behind?
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What kind of parents do we want to be? Present? Flexible? Rested? Career-driven? Hands-on?
What does “enough” look like for us? Think about this in terms of time, money, and energy?
What are we okay spending money on? And what are we happy to say no to for now?
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A plan to handle when our priorities differ or shift
This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about knowing what really matters to both of you, so you can move through this massive life shift as a team. Not just co-parents, but co-leaders of the little family you’re building.
How Crayon and Dadventure support fathers
Crayon and Dadventure partner with employers to deliver a better experience for new fathers.
Leading employers offer Crayon's Nest: Financial Baby Prep to both primary carers and partners to help them prepare for the financial upheaval of parenthood. The program covers everything from budgeting for baby, understanding parental leave entitlements to managing money as a couple and building financial resilience as a family.
Dadventure helps workplaces support modern fathers with practical tools for building mental fitness, emotional connection, and confident parenting habits. When dads are equipped to thrive both at work and at home, families, teams, and businesses all benefit.
Now for the important legal part: The information we provide is general and not regulated financial advice for the purposes of the Financial Markets Conduct Act 2013. Please seek independent legal, financial, tax or other advice in considering whether the content in this article is appropriate for your goals, situation or needs. The information in this article is current as at 18 August 2025.
Stephanie Pow
Founder and CEO, Crayon
Aidan Kyrke-Smith
Chief Dad Officer and Founder